Getting the Full Story on the Towanda Fracking Spill

Yesterday, on the anniversary of the BP oil spill in the Gulf, there was another disaster in Pennsylvania. A well blew out during a fracking operation, sending thousands of gallons of wastewater and toxic chemicals into a stream that feeds the Susquehanna River. You can read our press statement.

Chesapeake Energy, the company responsible for the blowout, sent out a press statement of their own.

We did some “strike and replace” to cut through the PR-speak. We think this tells the story a little more accurately.

Statement from Chesapeake Energy

At approximately 11:45 p.m. on April 19, an equipment failureA CATASTROPHE occurred during well-completion activities AS WE BORED INTO THE EARTH, allowing the release of completionTOXIC AND CARCINOGENIC fluids from a well at a location in Leroy Township, Bradford County, Pa.

Crews are on location working to control the leakLOCAL OUTRAGE and contain the fluid flow PUBLIC RELATIONS DISASTER. All relevant emergency agencies have been notified and are either on locationPANICKING or en route LAID OFF DUE TO BUDGET CUTS. Well-control specialists Boots and Coots [WOW, YOU REALLY CAN’T MAKE THIS UP] have been mobilized and are prepared to respond if necessary. All non-essential vehicles have been removed from the location. An undeterminedUNDERESTIMATED amount of waterTOXIC MESS has flowed off the location INTO THE SOURCE OF DRINKING WATER FOR MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Crews are working to minimize any impacts to the nearby Towanda Creek OUR ABILITY TO CONTINUE OPERATING WITHOUT GOVERNMENT OVERSIGHT.

As a precautionary measure, seven families who live near the location have been temporarily [AS DEFINED BY THE SAME PEOPLE THAT SAID THAT THE GULF OIL SPILL WOULD BE TEMPORARY] relocated until all agencies involved are confident the situation has been contained WE FEEL CONFIDENT WE’VE BEEN ABSOLVED OF ALL RESPONSIBILITY. There have been no injuries YET or natural gas emissions to the atmosphere OTHER THAN THE HOT AIR IN THIS PRESS RELEASE.

That probably tells the story a little better, no?